I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
