She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
