Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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