i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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