who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
