I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
