I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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