I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
