I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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