Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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