Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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