I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i've created a new STD.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
