meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
