When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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