I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
