you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
