we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
