Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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