people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
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