I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
a search helicopter?!
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
