i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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