When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
