i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
