i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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