I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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