anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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