Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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