She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
