At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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