I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize