Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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