I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
