Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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