Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
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P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
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HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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