apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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