We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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