btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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