Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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