Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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