Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
