What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
