beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
