dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Do vagina's smell?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize