My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
