she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
