I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
