I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
