nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
