Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
