Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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