capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
