Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
