My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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