There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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