it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
