just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
