i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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