It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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