im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
