I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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