Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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