dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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