I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
