LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
