youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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