the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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