I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
