Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
