My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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