sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
