hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
