playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
