What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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