you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
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