so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
