Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
