somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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